Archive for the ‘Humor/Satire’ Category

Matze Hielscher came across a brilliant remix of an infectious pop hit that seemed to jump right from obscurity to overexposure.  He noted it briefly on his blog, and I just had to pass it along:

Five minutes ago I really had heard “Happy” by Pharrell one too many times, and had banned it from my playlist.  But then around the corner comes Mister Woodkid, with a few strings in his pants pocket, making “Happy” into the most beautiful song of the day.  Sad, but true.  Sniff.

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Weaponizing Your iPhone

Posted: November 21, 2013 in Humor/Satire, Marketing

Paranoia is a hallowed tradition in my country, and the industry that it feeds is always coming up with new ways to exploit it.  Our friends overseas get a kick out of the whole process, as you will no doubt notice in this post from the Blog Rebels:

ALL NEW:  STUN GUN-PEPPER SPRAY-IPHONE-CASES || HOW YOU CHANGE YOUR PHONE INTO A WEAPON

martONE on Thursday, November 21, 2013, 3:31 PM

Yellow Jacket stun gun phone accessory

Smartphones can do it all:  mailing, googling, snapping pictures, surfing, tweeting, organizing, paying for things, finding things and making calls.  But now smartphones have found their first real assignment:  doling out electric shocks and pepper spray!

What sounds like nonsense is, unfortunately, reality.  Various manufacturers are offering the “Stun Gun for Smartphones,” which can be installed very easily as a cover or attachment.

The manufacturers advertise, naturally, that women who carry it can feel securererer now.  They’d also have their smartphones close at hand no matter what.  “Protect your life and your smartphone,” basically.  And:  when you buy the product from the market leader in the family package, you can really save money.

Anyone who finds that too difficult can just dial it back a notch.  There’s a manufacturer that has specialized in pepper spray attachments for smartphones.  Within a few seconds, it enables you to change your beloved mobile phone into a veritable weapon.  Great, no?

The video commercial leaves no question of where this creative genius comes from:  the old American right of self-defense does not stop at the cell phone.  Bang bang.

http://spraytect.looplogic.com/spraytect-introduction-video

Although I’m in the middle of a busy week, this piece from Der Postillon was the perfect diversion.  I guess you can just chalk it up to nerdy nostalgia.

Paternity Test with Britt:  Darth Vader not Luke Skywalker’s Father after All

Hamburg (dpo) – Many have long suspected it, but now it’s official:  During a paternity test on the talkshow “Britt – The Talk at One o’Clock”, it became clear at around 1:34 p.m. that, in all probability, the dark Sith-Lord Darth Vader cannot be the father of Luke Skywalker.  A commotion broke out after that, as the two went after each other with lightsabers.

Skywalker, who had been informed by Vader of the paternity only a few years ago, said he actually just wanted to eliminate any doubt when he contacted the Sat.1 network show.

There was tension even before the test, as Darth Vader complained about his son between labored, asthmatic breaths.  Not only does Skywalker barely look like him, said the commander of the Death Star, he also gravitates toward the exact opposite side of the Force.  After gentle prompting from Britt, Vader set aside the poor resemblance to his black helmet.  The situation grew much worse shortly after the commercial break, however, as Britt revealed the results of the paternity test.  The data prove with 99.93% certainty that Darth Vader is not the father of Luke Skywalker and his twin sister Leia.

Vader greeted the news with these words:  “Now I’m not sorry anymore that I killed your mother, that tart.”

Skywalker rushed at Vader before the shocked audience, setting off an epic lightsaber duel.  Security guards quickly came running, though, and were fortunately able to separate the two enraged warriors.

In the wake of the premature interruption of the broadcast, speculation has begun about the man with whom Skywalker’s mother betrayed Vader.  According to rumors, the only possible candidates are the Imperator, Jabba the Hut and the Wookie Chewbacca.

Here’s a translation of an article from Der Postillon, a German spoof news site:

Berlin (dpo) – The Product Testing Institute has tested 1,000 children – with alarming results.  It appears that more than 80 percent of the tested children between two and ten years old are completely unsuited for toys and just break them all.  For the test, 1,000 subjects were put alone in a room with Matchbox cars, Lego blocks, Nintendo consoles, stuffed animals, and the like.

After just four hours, the majority of the toys were broken or at least lightly damaged.

“This result is especially disastrous for couples who want children of their own,” said Dr. Ruth Rimba, the director of the study.  “Even dull children do great damage to sturdy toys.  Children are especially toxic to  delicate toys from China because they put everything in their mouths,  thus dissolving the protective paint and glue.”

Only the smallest number of children would be harmless to toys–primarily boring, sallow children, who don’t fit in.  The Product Testing Institute is advising all who love their toys to avoid children.