Der Postillon: Product Testing Institute Says 80 Percent of Children not Appropriate for Toys

Posted: August 11, 2013 in Humor/Satire

Here’s a translation of an article from Der Postillon, a German spoof news site:

Berlin (dpo) – The Product Testing Institute has tested 1,000 children – with alarming results.  It appears that more than 80 percent of the tested children between two and ten years old are completely unsuited for toys and just break them all.  For the test, 1,000 subjects were put alone in a room with Matchbox cars, Lego blocks, Nintendo consoles, stuffed animals, and the like.

After just four hours, the majority of the toys were broken or at least lightly damaged.

“This result is especially disastrous for couples who want children of their own,” said Dr. Ruth Rimba, the director of the study.  “Even dull children do great damage to sturdy toys.  Children are especially toxic to  delicate toys from China because they put everything in their mouths,  thus dissolving the protective paint and glue.”

Only the smallest number of children would be harmless to toys–primarily boring, sallow children, who don’t fit in.  The Product Testing Institute is advising all who love their toys to avoid children.

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